Gray(tail) Apothecary's
Episode 1 "Get a stretcher, this one is bleeding! NOW! Some bandages! Some painkillers! It's not enough... We're losing him..." "Coach, can we?..." "No healing potion - it's just a lineman". "BUT COACH!" "Listen, Urd: we're not a major team. You worked for DV last year - well, we don't have their money nor their fans. Stop it." "But..." "Urd Young, I said stop it. ''Want to get fired? No? Then stop. And leave - the match is over for you." And so also Mike is out. Stone cold. It's cold today - maybe some drinks to the Valhalla Tavern could help. "Urd, you look terrible. Get a beer." She's Meredith GrayTail, the daughter of the Gray Seer, the apothecary of the Stinky Feet. She's the apothecary of the Stubborn Ones - another minor team, for a minor league. It's not so easy to get a good job for a good team. Look there - he's Rivell Mastacasta, that's grapping a lot of martinis in his tentacles. Lucky chaos one - Hellbug's Heroes could be twisted by chaos gods, but they are strong. And this evening there is also R2-D''something - no one gets to spell its name properly. And there is also Hlökk - nice fellow - looking at the lizardman as she can kill it with her gaze. "Hi Meredith, thanks. Did you manage to get some tickets for the concert?" "Urd, don't you know? Stinger and Kowen disbanded. They are playing BB again - for the S.S.S." "Oh my... I think I need another shoot... Jaikine, what radio are you playing? It's not Radio Bash Bash!" "Sorry Urd, there is again Odin's Got talent. Awful. DJ Blitz will not return for a while..." Hlökk gets closer. "Urd, come on, it was a bad day, wasn't it? But think at this: there are no Lizardmen in your league. No. Lizardmen. No sssscaly, ugly, awful, disgusting, filthy, putrid, sickening lizardmen. And there are THREE team in this league!" Hlökk finishes her beer in one gulp. "Leriel is getting mad. Three lizardmen teams. DV faced skavens, undead, werewolves, khemri... no problem. But LIZARDMEN! Bleaaaaaahhhhh!" "It will be a long season, Hlökk..." "It will be a long night, Urd. Come on, Meredith - let's drink something stronger. I still have some beer of the dwarfes from last season... And maybe we can invite Fredo..." "You're the best Hlökk!" Episode 2 "I hope I'm not getting a cold! Jaikine, something hot... to drink!" That's Hlökk - trying to dry somewhat her long hair, squeezing them - and replying to the malicious look from the tavern owner. It was a rainy day - raining cats and dog, water everywhere - and rats getting out from the lockers. Meredith took an hot punch and she's taking it to her friend - and I'm joining them. "Hi Urd... Tell me that you were lucky and they suspended your game..." "Nope, Meredith... and what about you?" "Stubborns managed to fall, drop and stumble over the whole field. And so their opponents. No one got hurt badly... just a lot of dislocations and sprains." "Girls, give me a break, ok? I'm still hearing Leriel cursing the weather, cursing elves, cursing everything but most of all cursing Crow... Not only for hiring some good players of his former team, but for saying that the ladies would beat the elves!" Hlökk shakes her head, spraying water everywhere. "And that Coaching Commandos thing... He's getting mad!" "I think that I understand Skögul for not coming back in the team..." "She argued with me about the PR role... now she got a job for KO! Magazine. Well, if she prefers to show her thighs to "Fab" Rickas, it's no more my issue" Hlökk says drinking some more punch. "But both of you were on that calendar, last year!" "Oh my... I was so drunk... all of we were... DJ Blitz really knew how to set up a party! And that beer from The Beard..." "Ah ah ah! Hey Hlökk, what's that parchment in your bag? It's completely wet!" "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Leriel will kill me! That's the Mid-Season report!" "Well, what do you think... we can write something nicer..." Offense: 4/10 Just 7 touchdowns in 5 matches, and two of them by Roxanne. This is an awf--- this is not really what we were expecting from Göndul, Mist and Skeggjöld, but the poor Mist was badly hurt at the beginning of the season - she has problems moving. I think that the team should buy more chocolate for her, and Leriel should end to shout at her. Defense: 7/10 Again 5 TDs - 3 from elves in a match that--- that requires more towels and bathrobes in the lockers. I mean, how are the ladies supposed to properly get dry? After Skögul left for a career as BB expert, the other blitzers don't have to listen her complains and they can concentrate on defense. Yeah! Casualties/KO's: 5/10 I am really proud about the match against halflings - and about the physical improvement of the blitzers--- and I am proud of the lesson of make-up by Reginleif. She didn't get a single point in two season, but she's sooo cute! Player Development: 6/10 Göndul is getting just a point per match - but she's getting it. She always makes an accurate passage. I'd like her to be more offensive. And for the rest of the team, I cannot complain--- as I always do! Gamesmanship: 5/10 The new AI is crazy. It makes lizardmen win - I mean, LIZARDS--- that sssscaly, ugly, awful, disgusting, filthy, putrid, sickening lizardmen!!! Style: 9/10 Die Valkyrie really miss the support of their fan and the songs from Radio Bash Bash... We all hope that "Odin got's talent!" ends soon and that DJ Blitz can return! Overall: 36/60 DV are playing well--- and the most important thing, they have a good PR that can endure their terrible coach! Episode 3 Hlökk enters the tavern, while Meredith and I are drinking a beer. She looks around and finally sees her companions Valkyrie: but before she reach them, she stops to say hello. Always sooooo kind! But she has a good job... I look at Meredith thinking that soon we will have a little vacation, but I do not want to think about the next season. "Hello Hlökk! This is the first time I see the whole DV team! Something to celebrate?" Hlökk smiles: "This is the first time that Leriel offers to drink to everyone! Come with me!" All the ladies are drinking and singing - all except Hildr. "There's no DJ Blitz on Radio Bash Bash, but we can sing all together ... Hervör, go first!" I get knocked down, but I get up again You're never gonna keep me down (since I know to Jump Up!) I get knocked down, but I get up again You're never gonna keep me down... She drinks a Whiskey drink, she drinks a Vodka drink She drinks a Lager drink, she drinks a Cider drink She sings the songs that remind her of the good times She sings the songs that remind her of the best times... '' Meredith laughs and begins to move her tail following the song, while Sigrún starts singing something more suited to the atmosphere: ''With swords held high, you can hear us cry Beer Maids of Valhalla Beer Maids of Valhalla Beer Maids of Valhalla, yaaaaaaaa haaaaaaa To be a Beer Maid in Valhalla, ah that would be swell Lots of eating, lots of drinking, beats the pants off of hell All those warriors with muscles that ripple when they drink Great kings and princes, they don’t have to think We don’t choose for valor like you have been told We just choose the cute ones, that have lots of gold With swords held high, you can hear us cry Beer Maids of Valhalla Beer Maids of Valhalla Beer Maids of Valhalla, yaaaaaaaa haaaaaaa We never get tired, we play and we drink We drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink Sometimes we wrestle and rip off our clothes I pull on your hair and you bloody my nose We play games like stickball and run through the halls We knock people over and get kicked in the.... Broken arms broken shoulders broken legs broken heads Broken ears broken toes, but it doesn’t matter, we’re dead............ '' While she's singing, I get closer to Hildr, who sings but drinks just water. "No, Urd, I have not touched a beer since my grandmother told me the story of his brother... Every night he went to the tavern to get drunk. One evening she asked him to drink less - not to get drunk. He grunted but listened to her. My grandmother waited for his brother the whole night, but he did not return. At dawn, my granny went to look for him, but she found him dead on the road, poisoned. So she went to the temple of Odin to ask for a vision... and she saw what had happened: her brother had listened to her, and he went out of the tavern before getting drunk. But he had arrived at a bend and stopped. A dark elf had seen him, approached him and asked him why he had stopped. He replied that he was usually so drunk that he saw three roads in front of him and took the one in the middle to go home, but tonight he had been drinking less and saw only two roads, and he didn't know which one to choose. So the dark elf had given him a bottle, telling him to drink some more, so he would be drunk enough to see three streets... but actually he gave him a bottle of poison, to kill and rob him. Hildr is still drinking just water. Now she does not sing anymore. "I'm afraid of what might really want Leriel. It's the first time that he offers to drink... I don't want it to be the last time... and I am sure that he has strange ideas..." She shakes her head. Meanwhile Ölrún sang another song, but the words of Hildr are still in my head ... ''I am a raging battlemaid I really rock the house I live in Germanic legend With Sigurd as my spouse I don't suppose you've seen me, Or that you really should; Though I'm warped in Wyrd's weaving I'm not what you'd call good. Before I was a Valkyrie I was a maiden in a bower Valfather Himself picked me, And gave me Choosing power. Now Odin has many Choosers That He trains on battle fields We become His arms and legs Because His tools we wield And because Odin is so busy With way too much to plan He said that my assignment Was to pick the best fighting man When He tucked me in your pocket He blessed you with Chooser's care And you should burn on a pyre Rest assured I will be there. Episode 4 Ölrún just finished singing (and drinking some dark beer). She looks around... and she sees that Göll's mug is still full. She gets closer, grabs the mug and says "Göll, it's your turn!" The fellow lady sighs, looking at the lost beer, and starts: If you too believe in Odin, clap your hand! If you too believe in Odin, clap your hand! If you too believe in Odin and are not afraid to show it, If you too believe in Odin, clap your hand! '' If you raise your beer to Asgard, stomp your feet! If you raise your beer to Asgard, stomp your feet! If you raise your beer to Asgard, and you are a rotten bastard, Ölrún... If you raise your beer to Asgard, stomp your feet! If you see the vikings coming, run away (uh-oh!) If you see the vikings coming, run away! If you see them come to pillage, coming closer to your village If you see the vikings coming, run away! The whole tavern laughs... I feel somewhat dizzy. "Leriel surely will regrets this..." I say to Hlökk, that's enjoying the party. Looks like she has no problem with drinks... "Well, we'll sp-" she's interrupted by the screams of all men in the tavern... they were already looking at the ladies, someone is already flirting with Sigrún and Hrund, but now... Göndul took off her shoes and started dancing on the tables, singing in a naughty way... ''Freya's fragrance fills the air, embracing you so playfully-- Freya's rose of fiery red. The rose's chalice now invites you, nectar-moist from last night's dream-- Freya's rose of fiery red. Cool like velvet are the leaves, fanning embers to a fire-- Freya's rose of fiery red. Like red lips the petals beckon, opening up invitingly-- Freya's rose of fiery red... '' I hear Meredith gasping... I turn and I see Skeggjöld and Mist kissing! "Looks like that the refusal of Red Sabres **** Skeggjöld off!" laughs Hlökk. I laugh, too, and I feel ''really drunk... "Fredo will pay for that!" she laughs again. "Urd, you'll be part of the agreement - he will date you, too!" Honestly I'm not able to reply... I try to get up to go to the ladies', but I fall and spill the beer on Hlökk purse... She sighs. "Better beer than vomit... but I think I'll have to rewrite the playoff prediction... what do you think, Meredith? Urd, you need some fresh air..." I move out - just in time to see Roxanna Darknail! She's speaking with someone... but who? I hear a male voice... he's speaking about "whishing a blaze of glory"... but I cannot reach them, I'm too busy throwing up... When I return in the tavern, I hear Svàva arguing with Hlökk. "I'm not drunk! And I say NO lizards in playoff! I hate them!" "Well, I'm not in love with them too, but what could I do? OC probably will make it..." "Really? By Thor's hammer! I'm not so fond of rats - sorry Meredith, nothing personal - but I'd prefer Triple-S winning the cup than having some viscid lizard... Again! We'll have to face them in the last match..." "If you don't suffer the worst hangover of the cup..." "Bah! Read again what Leriel wrote... But I cannot believe it... And what's that note about the treasure?" "Let's start from the beginning.." "Surely DV and Johnny's will make it. A pity that the warpstone troll didn't kill Bloomberg - I cannot stand them!" "Whoa, he's really upset!" "It's not all - see this note:" "And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my ladies. And you will know my name is Leriel when I lay my vengeance upon thee!" "Ah ah ah... He can be upset, but who cares? I like elves - they are not brute bashers as the Khemri... do you remember?" "I'm still scared! Meredith, you're lucky you never saw Bull The Butcher!" "Go on... what Leriel says for the other team?" "I don't care maths. I just know that's unbelievable that orphaned teams gets to the playoff. I mean, "Rampage!"? I finally get my revenge - sweet, sure - but what happened to their coach? And division C? Apart the vampires, no one of them deserve to play again. KICK THEM OFF!" "Well, it's getting too gross... skip this..." "I'll delete it..." "Well, one can just hope... nevertheless, I think that Triple-S and OC will made it... and that's Division A. Sabres will not be so lucky... all that blackmailing from Crow broke their spirit... So Lads and HH will join Johnnies..." "Let's stop it, I don't need other four-letter words... Hey, I didn't know this one!" "Leriel is surely full of anger... he needs more beer and more girls..." "Go on..." "MoL and vampires will be the other - the first are lucky... too lucky. And their opponent were always soooo unlucky... Mist getting hit by a rock and being unable to run... I mean, this never happened in two season!" "By Odin's might, I'm getting scared of what follows! Skip the curse to the undead..." "Well, the rest is difficult to read - it seems some calculation..." "That's strange..." "I'm too drunk..." "I think that we should go back to the party... the only way to not suffer an hangover is going on drinking..." Episode 5 Svàva and Hlökk got away and Meredith turns to me. "Urd, you need a break. Let's go there... to Sigrdrífa, if I remember her name..." The girl is drinking but she looks unhappy. Well, she's one of the last that joined the ladies, maybe she is not getting well with them. "Sigrdrífa, come on! Let's sing something!" She offers us some beer, but Meredith declines. Sigrdrífa looks like uneasy... and Meredith starts singing: Nine Daring Asatru were calling Odin´s might; The stormwind blew them all away, and then there were just eight. Eight Daring Asatru conjured the Volva´s ken, The Volva took one back to Hel, and then there were just se'en. Seven Daring Asatru invited Loki´s tricks, One heathen laughed himself to death, and then there were just six. Six Daring Asatru did blot a goat alive; The godhi struck and missed the blow, and then there were just five. Five Daring Asatru were shouting loud for Thor; A lightning flash struck down at once, and then there were just four. Four Daring Asatru were going for a spree; The sacrificial bog was cool, and then there were just three. Three Daring Asatru drank home-made mead and brew; All Midgard spun and Asgard reeled, and then there were just two. Two Daring Asatru of Frey were making fun, Frey did not find that funny, no, and then there was just one. One Daring Asatru, he did not stay alone: He spread the word and founded soon a kindred of his own. '' Sigrdrífa laughs and asks Meredith: "You're not a norsewoman... well, you has a tail, also... how do you know such a song?" Meredith smiles and explains: "I'm the sister of a Grey Seer... he told me something about Odin and his family..." Sigrdrífa nods. "I see... I'm a learned one, too... I was a priestess of Odin, you know?" "Hey, maybe you could help in making some sense in the last part of the parchment from Leriel..." "Let me see..." Meredith goes to take the parchment again from Hlökk, while the valkyria says a prayer with a low voice: ''Hail the day Hail you sons of the day Hail the night Hail you daughters of the night With kind eyes Look upon me here And grant me speed And victory Hail the Gods Hail the Goddesses Hail the Earth Who gives to all Wisdom and good speech I ask from you And healing hands In this life And healing hands In this life '' "I'm drunk no more. Let me read... did you spoke about strange writing and so?" She starts reading, then she gasps: "These are spells of conjuration! It's the beginning of a ritual for a sacrifice to demons! It says something like taking six girls for summoning a demon..." "Six girls? Meredith, do you know if the cheerleaders made some progress at Odin's Got Talent?" "Last time I heard of them, Leriel was bringing them to the show..." "I ''really have a bad feeling about it..." "Let's get Hildr - she's the only other one not drunk - and let's go for Leriel. This party was just to deceive us... He's MAD!" Episode 6 Sigrdrífa is really worried. "Hildr, do you have an idea about where can we find Leriel?" "Nope..." "I think we should reach the temple of Odin... I can pray for an omen..." "The temple? Is too far! We'll never reach Leriel in time!" Meredith stops them: "I have a better idea! See there? It's Lupus "Patches"! He surely can help us!" We run fast and reach the werewolf... Meredith tries to persuade him. "Lupus, we need your help! Leriel got mad!" Lupus looks at here annoyed. "He's going to sacrifice the cheerleaders to a demon!" Lupus looks at her with the "if-you-don't-stand-beer-why-don't-you-drink-less" expression on his face. Meredith is desperate... "He's going to unleash the demon and bring destruction to this world!" Lupus replies... "Finally that jerk is going to do something nice..." Hildr suddenly speaks: "He'll remove you from the Hall of Fame!" "GRRRRRR... give me something to smell... I'll bring you to him in a hurry..." Sigrdrífa takes the parchment. Lupus closes his eyes and start to run. We rush and dash and hurry... just few minutes and Lupus lead us to an abandoned stadium. We enter the field and we see the mad coach, standing near a huge six-pointed star painted on the floor, with the "Fabulous L's" bound and gagged - each cheerleader at each point. At the center of the star, there is a red glowing... the spell should be quite complete! Hildr moves to face Leriel. "You can't win, coach. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than..." Sigrdrífa hushes her, whispering: "Not that quote, sister!" and adds: "Leriel, stop this! I don't know why you're doing this madness, but please stop!" Leriel shouts a sequence of curses that makes the valkyria blush. Sigrdrífa shouts and runs, as for a Blitz! action, but suddenly everything changes... We are in a desolate land, near a foul-smelling river. "What's this? What's your trick, coach!?!?" Leriel laughs... "Fools! You're strong, you're blood bowl players... but this is my dreamscape! Here the power comes from the dreams and from the whishes! And my hate is strong... too strong for you! This is the Styx river... Guess who you're going to face..." Suddenly four huge creatures appears... four TOMB GUARDIANS... Varg, Bull, Stephan and Ned... and they looks stronger than ever... But Hildr has an idea. "Dreams and whishes? Face this, Leriel!" The valkyria raises her arms, singing... and suddenly two men appears - no, more giants than men: a menacing one wielding a huge hammer, and an old man riding an eight-legged horse, wielding a lance... Thor and Odin! Leriel looks at the gods - powerful and surrounded by holy awe... and he laughs! "Fool. Do you think that I didn't foresee that? I studied the norse myths, lady... This is a wasted land... this is the land after the Ragnarok! The Götterdämmerung! The Twilight of the Gods!" He laughs, while the All-Father and his strong child dissipate in the mist... and the tomb guardians get closer to the scared party... Category:Journals